Review: Dexter is Delicious

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What a piece of garbage.

Sorry, usually we begin with a thought provoking introduction that has you pondering the world around you in a completely different light. Jeff Lindsay’s latest novel, DEXTER IS DELICIOUS (Amazon), is just awful. It really is as simple as that. Seriously, is there even any sense to this series of novels anymore? Rhetorical question. No.

Just so you understand how we feel about this series of novels, here are a couple Dexter-isms:

Dexter the Decidedly Dreadful
Dull-as-Dishwater Dexter

Yeah. That about sums up the whole novel. Oh, and we didn’t make those up. That’s how Dexter is described in the first chapter of the novel. No, we aren’t joking in the least. This Dexter novel is not Delicious as the title would have the reader believe, it is effing boring and pointless.

Jeff Lindsay’s creation, Dexter Morgan, begins this novel by becoming a father. He suddenly has feelings, and has decided to no longer give in to the murderous urgings of his Dark Passenger. Yeah, Dexter no longer wants to be the killer we root for. Well, I suppose we haven’t really cheered him on since part way through book 2, but still, you get the point. The issue with all of this is that you know Dexter is going to break his new resolution. You don’t buy his new persona, because it isn’t believable in the context of the story. You know that Dexter, predictably, is going to somehow rationalize his killing as protecting his new child. From cannibals! Get it? Delicious? Cannibals? Yeah, lame. Just like the whole novel.

Keep an eye out for that word “predictable” later on in this review. It becomes a theme.

Lindsay has a major problem with this series. The main one is that this series is now just a shallow parody of its early incarnations. Books 1 and 2 are where the magic happened. After that, Lindsay has been lost with what direction he wants to take. He tried supernatural, shock-value, and now parenting. And you know what makes these novels–especially this last one–worse? The brilliance of the TV series. You know how movies end up having a novel released that says “Based on the Motion Picture”? They are typically terrible. That is how this series of novels feels. It’s like poor fan-fiction.

Lets get back to the predictability of this novel. Every freaking moment of the novel is telegraphed. From the obvious “Oh no, I’ve been trapped” moment, to the WHOLE FREAKING ENDING AND RESOLUTION, it is spelled out the whole time. This isn’t foreshadowing. It’s poor writing. Dexter’s brother, Brian, shows up pretty early on in the novel. Gee, do you think he is going to play a major part in the investigations taking place in the novel? Literally our first thought when Brian showed up was, “Oh, so he will probably save the day after Dexter acts like a complete amateur.” Yeah. Predictable.

Another thing that bothered us was the portrayal of the cops. We’ve been around law enforcement nearly our whole lives. Steve’s dad is a high-ranking officer. So, when Lindsay makes every cop he writes stupid, we just can’s suspend our disbelief any more. Really? These people can actually catch killers? They don’t even know their own police procedures for Pete’s sake. Pro tip: if you have to rely on your main characters and supporting cast being completely idiotic to move your plot, you’re doing it wrong. Along with ALL of the Brian moments, this all just screams laziness.

Our personal favorite was when Jeff Lindsay pokes fun at CSI: Miami by having Dexter imitate the main, pathetic character from that how. The thing is, by Lindsay putting that thought in our heads, all we could think was, “Man, this is like on of the REALLY bad episodes of that show.”

The characters in DEXTER IS DELICIOUS are all idiots, and/or completely useless to the story. For example, why is Doakes still even around? He isn’t funny. He just takes up a couple thousand words of story for no reason. Rita? Yeah, the TV series did this right by getting rid of her. In the series we have to be subjected to her idiocy. Deb? Speaking of Deb, this novel is actually about her as Dexter watches her piss-poor detective skills. Even when she isn’t “on screen” Dexter ponders her existence, and the way she wants a family. Blah. Blah. Blah. Go kill someone, already, we are bored.

Issue #9-bajillion: everyone knows Dexter’s secret. The more people that know, the less interesting his dilemma becomes. It’s like any costumed super hero. The fewer people that know the true identity, the more potential internal conflict we have.

Problem #86-bajillion & 2: Lindsay we get it, traffic in Miami is bad. But do you have to make a big deal about it in EVERY EFFING CHAPTER? How about you write an actual story that makes sense rather than telling us the traffic patterns of Miami?

There really isn’t any way for Lindsay to fix this series. He has made so many mistakes in these novels–particularly these last three, and specifically DELICIOUS–that there isn’t any redemption possible for the characters in these novels. No effort is made in this latest novel to push the series in a believable direction. No effort is made to get into the motivations of the main “villains” of the novel. What happened to the Dexter who was brilliant, and who was extremely proficient in martial arts? All prior character traits and development has been abandoned to make the characters of the series easy to manipulate through their new and improved stupidity. DEXTER IS(n’t) DELICIOUS isn’t worth anyone’s time or money.

Move on to a new creation, Jeff.

No, we won’t be reading the next novel in this series. We will stick to the REAL and superior Dexter series on TV, and reading truly excellent novels by Dan Wells.

What a piece of crap. We felt like we were in Billy Madison. “Mr. [Lindsay], what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things [we] have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. [We] award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”