Posts that have been categorized as: "Books We Hate"

How to Live Safely…

Posted: August 17, 2011 by Shawn in Books We Hate Tags: Charles Yu, Urban Fantasy
How to Live Safely…

I read about this book awhile ago. It was a story about a time machine repairman, who owns a non-existent dog. It also happens that his mom is stuck in a one-hour time loop, living the same Sunday dinner over and over and over. Also the protagonist’s (who just happens to be named Charles Yu just like the author) dad may have invented time travel. Oh, and Charles also killed his future self, so he’s wondering when his present will catch up to the past, where he gets shot. I read that premise and thought, wow, that sounds like a book full of great fun ideas. It looked like a fun book. I need to read that.
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Pariah

Posted: March 18, 2011 by Alan in Books We Hate Tags: Bob Fingerman, Horror
Pariah

Bob Fingerman’s PARIAH (Amazon) has been sitting on our to-review list for a while now. We were just so thoroughly bummed out by it that after finishing it we were just too depressed to get any momentum going on a review.

Let’s get the introduction out of the way. PARIAH is a zombie book. Another one. Now that alone should tell you that there were conflicting opinions on the book. Steve loves zombies and Nick thinks they have been played out. However the book didn’t really satisfy either of us.
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The Fall

Posted: November 12, 2010 by Steven in Books We Hate Tags: Chuck Hogan, Guillermo Del Toro, Horror
The Fall

Is there a worse feeling than when you’ve just finished a novel, and the time you spent reading feels completely wasted? You sit back, your face becoming red with hatred for a book that just kept you from reading something else that was potentially awesome. You vilify the “novel” you hold in an ever tightening grip. This so-called novel is the cause of all your problems, and is the evil force reason for war, world hunger, American Idol, and your failing Fantasy Football team (The Aints).

Take a deep breath. Everything will be fine (except your Fantasy team).
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Dexter is Delicious

Posted: October 13, 2010 by Steven in Books We Hate Tags: Horror, Jeff Lindsay
Dexter is Delicious

What a piece of garbage.

Sorry, usually we begin with a thought provoking introduction that has you pondering the world around you in a completely different light. Jeff Lindsay’s latest novel, DEXTER IS DELICIOUS (Amazon), is just awful. It really is as simple as that. Seriously, is there even any sense to this series of novels anymore? Rhetorical question. No.
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House of Reckoning

Posted: February 18, 2010 by Alan in Books We Hate Tags: Horror, John Saul
House of Reckoning

We are going to be honest here (stop laughing). We try to read a lot of Horror, but there is a lot of it that we miss. Mostly on purpose. We managed to mostly avoid John Saul, even though he seems to be one of the huge names in the Horror genre. Why did we avoid him? All his books, from the outside, look the same (this is foreshadowing of event to come late in this review). It’s just a picture of a house under a different color tone. John Saul’s latest novel, HOUSE OF RECKONING, follows this theme by using a house with a green tint. Creepy. Yes, that was sarcasm.
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Breathless

Posted: January 29, 2010 by Alan in Books We Hate Tags: Dean Koontz
Breathless

When talking to authors I know, I hear frequently of that moment when several seemingly unrelated ideas come together. They become a “perfect storm” of sorts, and often lead to an amazing novel.

Unfortunately, BREATHLESS by Dean Koontz (Amazon), doesn’t meld separate ideas into a perfect storm. The result is more like… a perfect train wreck.

Let me state, for the record, that I actually enjoy some the stories that Koontz writes. I can appreciate the transition he made into straight-forward thrillers that he has published recently (VELOCITY, THE GOOD GUY, THE HUSBAND). Personally, I enjoyed ODD THOMAS. Are they the best novels? No. Do they serve a purpose in my reading schedule? Definitely. Every now-and-again I need light reading. Dean Koontz usually can usually fill that role.

But BREATHLESS? Man. It was just bad.
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Sandman Slim

Posted: December 3, 2009 by Steven in Books We Hate Tags: Richard Kadrey, Urban Fantasy
Sandman Slim

There are beliefs, of sorts, in the writing business. A good author can take the most cliché, horrible idea, and make it work. A bad author, however, could have the most amazing idea, and make it seem second-rate drivel. SANDMAN SLIM, by Richard Kadrey, takes a little of both of those. Poorly written, clichéd drivel. Awesome huh? (Yes, that was sarcasm.)

There is a blatant attempt in this novel to have a Harry Dresden-style character be super dark and gritty. The main PoV, James Stark (a magician, of course), was sent to Hell by his “friends.” He fought demons “Downtown,” (as the character calls it) Gladiator style for eleven years, and then managed to escape. This is where the book picks up–Stark waking up in a graveyard in L.A. after escaping Hell. Stark wants revenge on the people that sent him down to Hell. Oh, and there is a war between Heaven and Hell that Stark is in the middle of (GASP!). Were there enough clichéd archetypes and motifs in that paragraph for you? That’s just scratching the surface. Oh, and the title? It comes in randomly a little over half-way through the book.
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The Lost Symbol

Posted: November 23, 2009 by Steven in Books We Hate Tags: Dan Brown, Mystery/Thriller
The Lost Symbol

Have you ever had that burning sensation in your chest? No, not heart-burn. More deadly (if possible) than that. We mean the feeling when you are reading a novel, watching a movie, or playing a video game and you get SO impatient for it to move along. You start clenching your jaw. You crack your knuckles again, even though you just cracked them two minutes earlier. And the feeling that is the perfect mix of annoyance and impatience burns in you. That’s what reading THE LOST SYMBOL is like. It is excruciating. Yes. Excruciating…that is the word of choice to explain Dan Brown’s latest “novel.” (Dear Dan Brown: Thank you for kindly putting the words, “A Novel” on the front cover of your book. Without them, we would have mistaken this book for a slush-pile reject.)

What a terrible, terrible book.
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Winterbirth

Posted: August 12, 2009 by Steven in Books We Hate Tags: Brian Ruckley, Heroic Fantasy
Winterbirth

“The world breeds no heroes now.”

This line from the novel WINTERBIRTH by Brian Ruckley (Amazon) sums up our main observation after reading the novel. WINTERBIRTH is marketed as both Epic Fantasy and Heroic Fantasy. What does that mean? Well, for starters, it means we have heroes in some sort of capacity. It also means we should have blood and battle… and in high quantities. Epic Fantasy usually involves some sort of epic quest, or a huge, all-engrossing plot that the heroes must stop. Heroic Fantasy means we have heroic and tragic last-stands.
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Twilight (Seriously!)

Posted: August 4, 2009 by Steven in Books We Hate Tags: Stephanie Meyer, Urban Fantasy, Young Adult
Twilight (Seriously!)

What’s this? Two reviews in one day? Well this one was a special request from some fans, and we were more than happy to oblige.

It’s time we shared the hate…

There are few things in life that we don’t understand. Why do people clip their finger and toe-nails in public? Why are Utah drivers incapable of using their turn signal? Why do people think Megan Fox can actually act? But mostly, we don’t understand ONE MAJOR THING:

When ON EARTH did sparkles on a VAMPIRE become cool? We just each threw up a little. Steve more than a little actually. It was gross. It was like an emetic taste test here.
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